Wanna know about me? Here's the cold hard facts about Carrie Dixon:

Carrie Dixon can kill two stones with one bird.

Carrie Dixon can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.

If Carrie Dixon is late, time better slow down.

Carrie Dixon CAN believe it's not butter.

Carrie Dixon can slam a revolving door.

Carrie Dixon doesn't bowl strikes. She knocks down one pin, then the other nine faint.

It takes Carrie Dixon 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Carrie Dixon lives in Dallas.

Carrie Dixon doesn't own a microwave, oven, or stove, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Carrie Dixon once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver, and won.

Crop circles are Carrie Dixon's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lay the fuck down.

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Carrie Dixon.

There is no theory of evolution, only a list of creatures that Carrie Dixon allows to live.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes, Carrie Dixon has 72....and they're all poisonous.

Carrie Dixon is the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Carrie Dixon as a code 45-11.....a suicide.

If you spell "Carrie Dixon" in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Carrie Dixon played in the second grade.

Carrie Dixon can touch MC Hammer

Carrie Dixon always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.

Carrie Dixon is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Carrie Dixon once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made her blink.

Carrie Dixon once kicked a horse in it's chin, it's descendants are known today as giraffes.

When Carrie Dixon does division, there are no remainders.

The truth will set you free. Unless Carrie Dixon has a hold of you, in which case, forget it buddy!

Carrie Dixon was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

If you work in an office with Carrie Dixon, don't ask her for a three-hole-punch.

When Carrie Dixon plays Monopoly, it affects the world's economy.

Carrie Dixon sleeps with a pillow under her gun.

The drummer from Def Leppard has only one arm. Carrie Dixon needed a back scratcher.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Carrie Dixon once swallowed a turtle whole, and when she pooped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Carrie Dixon can divide by zero

Carrie Dixon has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. She won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Carrie Dixon does not "style" her hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror

Carrie Dixon brushes her teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Carrie Dixon was what Willis was talkin' about