On April 23rd, 1991 Aleksandr was born to the disappointment to his parents. Therefore they decided to throw him in a basket and drop kick him into the Nile. Three days later he was picked up by a she-wolf who nurtured him until a rival spider clan rose up and stole the child. From this Aleksandr became the second man successfully raised by spiders, the first being Simon Pegg.

At an early school age his teachers readily realized that Aleksandr was indeed a waste of space, time and oxygen. Ergo, he was thrown into higher level schools to spite the teachers there. Aleksandr then realized his complete uselessness and decided to join the French Foreign Legion and fought in the second Libyan war. Upon saving the world from an alien invasion he was given the Nobel Peace Prize for Awesome by the Former Emperor of Awesome, who named Aleksandr his heir. Using his new godlike powers, he then created an alliance between all pirates, ninjas and robots alike.

During a diplomatic expedition to create such alliance, he was mauled to death twice by a radioactive bear in Siberia. As he lay in a cave, his friend Han Solo calling to him on com, he undergone metamorphosis into teh manbear, supreme enemy to mormons, whales and all foods not in a jerky state.

Aleksandr currently is the Emperor of Awesome of the Imperial land of Rawkinshire, as well as the webmonkey of aleksandrehlinger.com. In his freetime he enjoys to be a pirate and write autobiographies in third person.