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Humor

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

Warning!

Hello, this is my humor page. I made this page when I was much younger, so be warned. It may be immature content.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? - Snowballs.

Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes. I have been looking for him everywhere. I'm seeking for Trouble, you see. "

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator? She couldn't find the '10' button.

Choosing a movie? Don’t trust these extremely abbreviated plot explanations.

• The Shining: A family’s first Airbnb experience goes very wrong. @janmpdx

• The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry. @eserunsalan

• Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge. @generalist

• Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works. @DanSlott

• The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes out of the closet. @SueChainzz

I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is [email protected]. • My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was [email protected]. • My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with [email protected].

Why do squirrels swim on their back? To keep their nuts dry.